Half of the semester is over. Course schedules for spring 2019 are out. My life has been moving incredibly fast, but I feel so content. Last year around this time I was absolutely miserable. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love my experiences. I didn’t love life. I felt trapped in a hole of sadness. I wasn’t sure if I would make friends or if I would be able to find a future path I truly loved.
However, the biggest difference I have experienced from back then to now is self-love. I have never been at so much peace in who I am. I genuinely love myself, my strengths, my weaknesses — all of me.
Last year, I hated my introverted Friday night tendencies. I hated my academic-prioritization personality. I hated my nerdy jokes.
Now, however, I don’t care what people think. I don’t care that I spend most Friday nights in my pajamas with a plate of warm cookies and a movie. This is who I am. I love spending time doing what I love — not what I think other people love.
Last year, I thought that “doing x, y, & z” would make me better, would allow me to find more friends, would allow me to have the best college experiences, etc. However, my college experience is not a checklist of mandatory items; it’s what I make it, what I want.
I have found so much happiness in doing what I want. Calling my own terms. Respecting my boundaries and my version of fun.
The most significant thing I have learned and am continuing to learn is that everyone defines happiness in a different way. Some enjoy participating in late night activities, while others simply love the comfort of their blanket and couch. Although those things are different, one is not better than the other. It’s up to preference.
Today, people may say I spend too much time in my room or that I don’t come out enough, but as I type this in my freshly washed pajamas, on my comfortable couch, in my soft blue blanket — I am the happiest I have ever been, Allhumdullilah.
School is hard. My schedule kills me. The papers I write make me want to scream. The uncertainty of the future scares me. These are all things that are out of my control, however. Where am right now at this moment is difficult at times, but mentally I am content. I have ups and downs, joy and pain, and excitement and confusion. Through it all though I am at peace with myself. I love myself, and with that, I know the negative moments that may come will just be moments, not permanent periods of distress.
Love yourself because you have a lot to offer to this world and beyond. ❤
Lots of Love,